For My People Who Love to Shop Til They Drop

You're better off with a pal there to pick you up.

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Aw, we look so cute together.
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Somewhere, someone who is reading this article has already called me codependent. I can feel it. Well, I have news for you, Someone Somewhere. There's a big—Barneys Warehouse sale big—difference between being codependent and being intelligent enough to know that it is wise to occasionally defer to a trusted expert advisor. To put this in terms relevant to current events: Barack Obama consults. Donald Trump? He wings it. Reader: I am here to teach you to be the Barack Obama of shopping.

A good friend will steer you in the opposite direction of jeans that look like this, no matter how fatigued the shopping day has caused you to become.
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I'm going to assume that your friends are good people, not some weirdos who are trying to take you down from the inside by insisting that you buy a pair of weirdly baggy, high-waisted, plaid-and-polka-dot patchwork pants and then wear them in public. If we're talking best-friend status, then this person probably has a mental catalog of what's already in your closet and maybe even a working list of the last few times you looked really, really great in something. Why would you opt out of traipsing around with this incredible resource? Because you are a crazy person who thinks it's a good idea to build a wall around Mexico, maybe?

The sweet taste of sartorial success.

On top of functioning like a delightfully sentient mirror, your shopping buddy is also going to make the entire, sometimes exhausting and demoralizing, experience of shopping so much better. The snobby salesperson who dismissed your request for directions to the sale rack? Nothing a dual eye roll can't solve. Encouragement to press on when you've just rescued your legs from the 10th pair of too-stiff denim? Essential. And then, the main event: celebratory drinks! Nothing says "Shit, I just spent way too much money!" in as cheery a tone as continuing to spend money on something as frivolous as a $15 cocktail. You're going to need someone to cheers.

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